I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
