Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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