i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
