I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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