Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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