Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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