I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
