Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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