i already hear my dad disowning me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
