you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
only you would photoshop your dick
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
