sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
