it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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