sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
