im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
