I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We're too hungover to prance.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize