you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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