So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
