I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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