Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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