yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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