I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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