Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
