so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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