Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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