Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I understand Curling. That high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
