I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
