You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
