Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
