Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
