There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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