You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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