$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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