Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
