Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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