my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
