If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
