You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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