we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
