we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
