okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
