I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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