and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
