I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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