last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
