I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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