I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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