I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
