ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
