Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
