i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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