I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
