There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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