Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
