Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So squirting runs in the family.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
