yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
