the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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