fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
