we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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