But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
