I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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