Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
