My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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