apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
