The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Be still, my beating vagina.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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