You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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