cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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