please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
