just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
