i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
