I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
