Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
