Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
