i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
