his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
